Teddy Bears&Balloons.

Okay so like basically, today is definitely not a good day for me. Got screwed from 2 guys that actually have ever mattered to me, lesbo+retarded friend leaving back to UK. I don't even know where to start this. Okay let me start from the bitterness of everything and end it with something good.


My dad is in his own PMS world of his own, that kinda pissed me off. I texted him today knowing that his blood pressure was kinda high, and I was concerned after my mom told me. And his reply was "WHY YOU GOT NO MORE MONEY IS IT?!". I mean, yes I am fucking broke. But it never even crossed my mind to ask him for cash, I just wanted to see how he was doing. And he kept on going about how I am only bothered about my friends and whatnot. He even mentioned about how I waste money going partying. 1stly, I rarely spend money when I'm out coz usually I get free drinks&shots. The upside about knowing people. I'm in Ipoh for goodness sake. So yea, of course I would bump into friends or know when I should be out on Ladies Night for free shit. Of course I can't do it every night, but when he was back I was out. I mean, logically think about it. My sister&I always used to stay at home last time and wait for him to get back so we could spend time with him, but yea he was always out with his friends. So I basically just adapted to it. I mean, don't expect me to make sacrifices when you can't do the same. It became a whole issue. Be the change you want to see in others. Treat others how you want to be treated. Thats what I always believed in. Still do. So yea. Thats one.


Second. YOU. yes you. You know fucking well how much I love you. We've been through so much, so I would expect you to know. Yes I do have a sleep switch. Everyone knows it but sadly not you. Sorry I love partying. To me its something I do to have fun and just forget the world. Yea sounds selfish but its my escape. My general way of letting go and just be retarded and enjoy the moments I have with my friends. Life is too short to be serious. No one gets out alive anyway. Yes I know it may sound selfish, but its not intentional. I  mean, I drink, I get happy, dance with my friends, do shit, fall down, laugh, cry, be a complete fool, next day I think back and be "Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!". Never deceiving you. Not after I've came to my realization. I just wanna let my hair down and go all out. I am like that. You were with me even when I was like that. I have always been that way. So why the restrictions now. If you can't love me for who I really am, then don't. If I'm just having fun based on my own selfishness and enjoyment, then I wouldn't even be attached. But I am. I still get drunk and party like a rockstar with my closest friends who do coz I want to, and because I am ONLY 21(going on 22). Life is too short to be anything but happy. If I really wanted to be a slut I can. But I'm not. So yes, please do understand where I'm coming from. 


I'm too lazy to be bugged by the 'men' in my life. Only two really matter, yet they think the same. So you know what, DON'T EVEN BOTHER ABOUT ME! I'mfine just the way I am. I am an adult, I know how to think for myself. I just feel sorry for the BOTH of you for not willing to accept me for WHO I REALLY AM. Maybe one day I would find someone who would. Not my loss then.

Anywhos. My best crazyretardedbitch is leaving back to UK today. FML. You see the thing is, with her, I FUCKING enjoy my time in Ipoh, coz basically I met someone crazier and more retarded than I am. 

The both of us. <3

When you would waste polaroids on Shaun&I

When we do stupid stuff like this.

When we steal Adrian's stuff.

And exchange.

Best of all, when you are such a perv my love.

How la when you are gone? I think I would die. Though you would be here again in April. Its still a VERY VERY long time. Xian, I love you. :')

Sorry, Apology NOT Accepted.

Sometimes I wish I was perfect. No flaws, nothing. No, not physically, but emotionally and mentally. People say stuff when they get mad. I'm one of them. I say stuff I don't mean especially when I get mad. The reason I get mad- because I am hurt. That's my defense from exposing to the world that I am hurt. Yes. I am very egoistic, and yes, I am admitting it. I say stuff that I don't mean when I get angry, and end up hurting everyone around me. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. My mouth is like some laser. I really really hate that about me. Because it hurts everyone around me, and I actually don't mean it. But I know I can't take whatever I said back. Causing other people to be hurt. Well, I am sorry. Thats all I can say. I can't do anything to take back whatever I said, but if I could, I would. I love my family to bits, but yet I always hurt them. I know being mad is not an excuse for saying whatever I said, but that's my only excuse. Sometimes I just wanna go somewhere I know no one and start a new life. But life is not that simple is it? Gaaah. Running away is never the solution to any problem, so I guess I have to face whatever punishment thats in store for me. But thats not bothering me at all. What bothers me is that I have hurt you, and I can never take that back. Even if eventually you choose to forgive me, I can't actually be the same anymore. The thing is, arguing with my mom is SO normal, that we're so used to whatever we say to each other. 5 minutes later we totally forget and just be 'friends' again. Same with my sis. Thats whats so cool about them. But with my dad, its totally different, probably because I rarely get see him. All I can do is just feel super bad and apologize to him. Anyways, for what its worth, I'm really really sorry and I love you very much. You are the best father I could ever ask for and you'll always be my hero. :')

80th post.

 Distance doesn't matter if u really love the person, what matters is your honesty and trust for it to work out.


And yes Dan, I love you. So very much. :')

blood.

Hi. Stop playing mind games with me. Weren't you the one who said you hated it? And now you are doing it back to me? So what is this? Just a thing for you to get back at me then walk away? I'm not your toy or your puppet. I am a human being with feelings, just like you. If you really enjoy watching me suffer, then yes, continue watching. Bet you are enjoying it with popcorn&Coke. Good for you. One day when I am gone, I just hope you would miss me and not just the entertainment I was for you. Thank you. You said I never changed one bit. Are you even looking to see if I did? People would never praise you for the good you do. Once you make a slight mistake there they'll be like vultures waiting to feed on your misery. You are like that too. I never thought you would be like that. But oh well, I am not allowed to complain now am I? Throw me out the window and step on my stomach. Thats how I feel. Hmmm. Whatever.

reminder.

• Please listen to your brain, not heart.

I wanna get out of this stupid country a.s.a.p. I HAD to screw up. seriously FML. 

head.

This song is playing in my head. Cooler Than Me by Mark Posner.

If I could write you a song to make you fall in love

I would already have you up under my arm

I used up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this

But you probably won’t, you think you’re cooler than me 

Cempedak Love.

My dear sister, has anyone ever told you what a great person/friend you are? I'm sure you've heard this like about a billion times but yes, I mean it. I was lucky to have met you by chance, and how we clicked right on the first date and ditching the boys. Hahahahahahahha! I LOVE YOU&GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS! :)